Distance Makes The Heart Grow Fonder
It has been a bit challenging for me to let my creativity flow recently as I have been preoccupied with recent change. About two weeks ago, I started my journey through transferring to a college University. This university is only about an hour and half away from my home, but this is the furthest away I have been from my hometown, my family, and the life I have always been used to. I knew it would be a challenge to adjust to my new life and new house, but I was unsure of how and when the emotions of change would hit me.
I knew that of all the people I would be moving away from, it would be the most difficult for me to move away from Nick; He is not only my twin brother, but my best friend. For months I contemplated how to explain to him in a way he would understand that we would no longer be seeing each other every day. Coming up with an explanation was a group effort between myself, my parents and his ABA therapists. We all worked to come up with some ways of telling Nick I would be going to college that he would be able to grasp. It is hard to gauge how my brother will react to certain scenarios, as the way he expresses and copes with emotions is so different from the way you and I do.
My mom thought it would be best to avoid bringing too much attention to the subject, because when things are made a big deal he tends to have negative reactions to them. My thought process was that I know my brother is as aware as any of us are regardless of his special needs; He was obviously going to eventually realize I was gone and potentially get frustrated if there was no explanation for my absence. For this reason my idea was to be up front with him. Nick’s ABA therapists worked around both of these opinions, and created a story timeline. Nick and his therapists usually carve out time to read during their sessions. So making an interactive story with photos to allow Nick to read and get an explanation for the change that would be happening seemed like the perfect way to condition him.
Funny enough, I was there while he read this outloud although that was not intended. I sat down with him as he read off that I would be going away to “sleep away school” with a big smile on my face to make sure he would freak out and hate me! The look he gave me was priceless. It was a mix of “girl you better not be leaving me where the hell do you think you’re going” and “okay, I’m confused but I’m trying to understand this”.
Now that I am a couple weeks into my move, the change has started to hit now that the initial adrenaline rush of moving out of the house for the first time has settled. I try to call and facetime my family to say hello to my brother as much as I possibly can. I know that the two of us can feel the distance between one another. Although it is refreshing to get away from the constant Mickey Mouse reruns, the almost daily whining fits, and Nick running around the house playing subway surfers on his Ipad at full volume, it does make me miss these things and appreciate them in a new light. Being in a special needs household is never the calmest place to live, but neither is living in a house with ten girls in a college town. The heaviness of missing my brother is a constant that has been sitting in my chest since I left, but I know in the back of my mind that these feelings will only make the time we spend together from here on out even more special.
Distance makes the heart grow fonder; That is the message I remind myself every time the feelings of change start to arrive. I will hold that in my heart for this next chapter of my life, and do my best to teach Nick to do the same.
